Today is day 4 of having a job, making yesterday day 3. Yesterday was also the largest order yet, my brother came over to visit and it was date night with my hubby AND not-to-mention my period coming on saturday. So, by the end of the night I was in the break down zone, my subconscious looking for something, anything to cry about. It was the carrots, that ended up coming from california for my so-called “local” spud order that broke the proverbial camels back. Yup, I stood in the kitchen with Justin inocently going over the miles that things on our grocery list traveled. By the time he got to the carrots that traveled more than 1000 kms to get to my plate I was blubbering.
This is an interesting position I find myself in when I am bound and determined to go from doing nothing, to doing everything in one week. I can recall a few other times since I was injured where I found myself going to the gym 5 times per week, working a new full time job and trying to maintain a social life only to end up with a kidney infection, lying on the couch on my first day off with a fever and a headache. This time, luckily, I am more aware of my body than to just run it into the ground.
So I took a glass of water and drank the whole thing (I don’t think I drank anything yesterday?) I cried, really hard for a good five minutes and looked at my expectations. Expectations are what lead to frustration and dissapointment - not insinuating that realistic expectations are a negative thing.
- I expected perfection, speed and excellent coordination at my new job.
- I expected to be as above AND get the kitchen cleaned up, make dinners, do laundry etc. without missing a beat.
- I thought I should have had some time to knit on The Justin Sweater.
- I epected that I should work all day with nothing but a rushed 15 minute lunch break.
NOPE. Once I decided that not only were these expectations unrealistic, but prevented me from listing to my body (ie: drink some water, do some reiki, sleep), I felt a lot better about myself. I am working on changing the way I work, against societies opinions of me, and against my own habits, I thought, this is going to take some time, some work and a little bit of falling down.
Inhale.
Exhale.
So, expectations in check, I went to meditate, then to bed. I slept in a little this morning, and woke up feeling ready to tackle my short work day.