Hey, wait a minute
A couple of weeks ago I felt the impulse to examine my self bubble*. I noticed that it was dragging me down a little. Basically it was keeping me stuck between the place of being who I am by default and being the person I see myself capable of being. You see, I have this longing to deeply connect to myself as a woman and through that connection gain the wisdom, experience and skill to effect the world positively. Thing is, the self bubble sort of filters these sorts of thoughts from getting into my head too much. This way, I stay pretty much the same and don’t threaten the integrity of the self bubble.
In this moment of clarity, I made some decisions and wrote them down in my journal (see, the self bubble has a way of distorting the short term memory such that anything that threatens its integrity (like good ideas) tend to become very fuzzy and dreamlike).
- go for a walk everyday with the goal of walking ‘10km, really? I hadn’t noticed
- bellydance
- heck! take bellydance lessons
- get an Alexander teacher
- do the physio exercises Fred gave me
- learn to sing
- get a part time job (I’m pretty sure that was the ego sneakin in there…)
- meditate a lot
- get to know the moon, sun and star cycles
- make some clothes
- play music
Foiled! I then had a record of what needed to be done to move towards said goal of greatness. They key was then getting out of the matrix long enough to be able to execute the list. Luckily I had just spent 2.5 weeks at the Casa De Dom Ignacio, receiving healing from the Entities through John of God and was feeling pretty freakin’ on. Likely, this is where the new impulse to examine the Self Bubble came from. So, as soon as I got home, I researched the appropriate people, and scheduled lessons to begin asap. This was my first week. I’m sore. Will deliver a play by play as I am able to distinguish the play from the throbbing in my inner thighs.
*Self Bubble n. Dwelling place created by the ego. Comfortable in the sense that nothing changes unless absolutely necessary. Mostly unknown to the inhabitant (the self).
As I understand it
“The real truth neither comes into being nor passes away; its signifcance cannot be destroyed. This is in no way contradicted by the fact that certain human “truths” are of only temporary value because they are recognized as partial or total errors in due time. We must realize that the truth, in itself, endures, even though our thoughts are only transient manifestations of eternal truths.” (44 Rudolf Steiner, Theosophy)
After reading this ‘truth,’ I felt for a moment there is little point in blogging about a process as I understand it, as the truth is probably temporary anyway, only to be replaced by a contradiction in the future. Then, not a moment later, I felt that perhaps there is a great need for fo the expression of relative truth. The world, from this humble vantage point, is full of relative truths, spoken as though they are the eternal truths. So, I thought then, why not balance the scales and speak my relative truth, with full disclosure of the probable partial or total errors that will inevitably be revealed in due time. And, considering the corner I am rounding on my life’s path at this juncture, the phrase ‘due time’ seems liberal.
This is, then, the context of this blog. It will be my truth, full of contradiction, that will emerge over time. Come to think of it, if there isn’t contradiction, then I have effectively stopped growing and evolving, and should thus be shut down.
I come from a long line of closet seekers. I say closet, because from a young age I was there, right under their noses, seeking away, and no one ever said, “Hey Lis, don’t feel like a weirdo, it runs in the family.” No, instead, at 24 years old, after at least 10 or 12 years of being solidly convinced that I was a weirdo, I went to the local metaphysical store at about 24 years old to buy something… a crystal for my boyfriend, now husband. They asked me my last name, and I said that I didn’t think it would be in the computer, I had never bought anything before, but I gave it anyway, and sure enough, there they were, my dad (then deceased), my uncle and aunt. According to legend, my grandma was a bit of a seer, but was scared by her ability and renounced it then became a catholic. Normal is relative, just like truth. And I was completely normal for my family, except for my inability to keep my interests to myself.
This uncontrolable feature became the most difficult part of being me for a long time. I wanted to talk about this stuff and figured that with the right lead in, anyone could make a good listener. One might say that I was an evangelical seeker. If I could pass on one piece of advice with regards to this style of seeking, it would be that IT IS VERY WRONG. Mysteries are mysteries for a reason. People need to become aware of the mysteries, and seek out their answers for themselves. The truth is, some people never realize there are mysteries, or if they do, don’t care to know the answers. In an eastern sense, one creates massive karma by taking the path I was on. The beginning of Steiner’s book How to Know Higher Worlds and Their Attainment explains very clearly how to avoid this ‘phase’. Anyway, I digress. I’m still working out the kinks. I still occasionally assault my mom with quotes from books, but she knows I don’t mean it, most of the time.
This blog helps. Its like a loophole in the karma transaction. I can talk about my process all I want, and since people have to type questions into Google to find it, and then they have to chose to read it, I’m technically not breaking any universal laws. Excellent. Welcome to my loophole.