Lisa Tilson

The full moon energy has felt pretty light this month, but powerful nonetheless. I feel like it has been pretty easy to remain calm and observe my reactions. The only time I felt my emotional state get completely agitated a little bit negative and reactive was at work when the server for our websites went down (while the hosting guy is on vacation!) That’s what I get for going to work on my day off, on my period during a full moon! Luckily Hari Singh was there to help me chill out.

Once calm, I enjoyed spending the rest of the afternoon sorting through pictures from years gone by for the Flickr account. (A perfectly sane way to spend the full moon workday) All are neatly tagged and titled now, cleanly sorted into sets and collections.

The reason I went to work was in fact to go to the Ladies Full Moon Meditation. It’s been a while since I’ve gone, mainly because I work at the same place, and often I’ve gone home by 6:30. It was super sweet to gather with other women and be cozy meditating. A lot of people I’ve never met were there, as well as some old friends. Being with women in such a high vibration really inspired me (even more) to cultivate my Goddess energy. (My friend Seva is my number one Goddess Energy checker - I feel like every time she looks at me when I am being less than me, she’s saying - “um… are you being a goddess right now?”) To sit there and focus on the healing energies of the meditation and chanting put me in a great space for going home to an empty house. No bullshit, no awkwardness, just me being me. I’ve been getting to this place more and more, and the more often I go there, the easier it becomes.

I went home after in a true state of bliss singing to the new GuruGanesha CD (which rocks my world!). I got some sush, and a movie (not to mention chocolate) and settled into my herman with my spinning wheel and some Marino. A deliciously creative night - light and sweet.

What a beautifully powerful time.

Full moon at 8:02pm tonight.

Since my moon cycle began to sync with the moon, I have gained a lot of wisdom. When I wasn’t working, and was able to put all my attention into preparing for the special time that the moon brings, my mood was great, I had no cramps and I truly felt like an oracle - or at least the beginning of one. Then, two months ago, I went back to work and since then I have been completely unprepared for the full moon. In fact, my stress levels just before the full moon has been out of control, not only because work has been stressful, but because I have been way more emotional from not giving myself space and time when I most need it.

Both last month and this month I have committed to being in the public attention on the first day of my moon cycle, not to mention that I have worked long days leading up to it. Both times, I have had to bail at the last minute due to incredible cramps (note that as soon as I bailed and gave myself space, I was able to relax enough for them to subside) and I was left feeling karmic-ally irresponsible. Is this weird? Should a woman have to shut her life down for a period every month? Can’t she do what she wants during that time?

My experience is that most women feel that way. Give me a tampon, let me keep going to the gym, give me a birth control shot that relieves me of bleeding all over the place for few months. How am I supposed to succeed as a woman when I am a crampy, moody, bloody mess for three or four days (or seven!) per month?

I write this and I know that the question is not whether the past couple of months have been weird or not. Or whether I should have to shut my life of for a couple of days every month, but weather I want to. When I slow down and sit with myself (alone in my house this cycle because Justin is at school) after two months of not, it is really uncomfortable. I feel like I should be busy, I should be getting stuff done! The thought of sitting and resting without television, or movies or books - just sitting and meditating or doing reiki feels pretty uncomfortable. I’ll bet other women feel the same way. I think that this is the real reason why it is difficult for a woman to sit down and think about herself, BE with herself for a day or two - because it is completely out of the ordinary for a woman to do so. She is either working, or going to school to get a job, or looking after a family or all of these things.

I work at a Yoga Centre run mostly by women and I didn’t even feel like I could limit my stress - not because I thought my boss wouldn’t let me, but because I didn’t think I had time. I thought I was so important that the world wouldn’t continue if I slowed down for a few days. Not to mention the fear of slowing down and uncovering all of the emotional goo I have accumulated and stuffed away under my business.

So tonight, I am going to go for a long walk under the full moon, I am going to come back and not turn my computer on, or watch a movie, or TV, or read a book. I am supposed to be an oracle and its about time I let myself take up that much space - whether its comfortable or not.