Full moon at 8:02pm tonight.
Since my moon cycle began to sync with the moon, I have gained a lot of wisdom. When I wasn’t working, and was able to put all my attention into preparing for the special time that the moon brings, my mood was great, I had no cramps and I truly felt like an oracle - or at least the beginning of one. Then, two months ago, I went back to work and since then I have been completely unprepared for the full moon. In fact, my stress levels just before the full moon has been out of control, not only because work has been stressful, but because I have been way more emotional from not giving myself space and time when I most need it.
Both last month and this month I have committed to being in the public attention on the first day of my moon cycle, not to mention that I have worked long days leading up to it. Both times, I have had to bail at the last minute due to incredible cramps (note that as soon as I bailed and gave myself space, I was able to relax enough for them to subside) and I was left feeling karmic-ally irresponsible. Is this weird? Should a woman have to shut her life down for a period every month? Can’t she do what she wants during that time?
My experience is that most women feel that way. Give me a tampon, let me keep going to the gym, give me a birth control shot that relieves me of bleeding all over the place for few months. How am I supposed to succeed as a woman when I am a crampy, moody, bloody mess for three or four days (or seven!) per month?
I write this and I know that the question is not whether the past couple of months have been weird or not. Or whether I should have to shut my life of for a couple of days every month, but weather I want to. When I slow down and sit with myself (alone in my house this cycle because Justin is at school) after two months of not, it is really uncomfortable. I feel like I should be busy, I should be getting stuff done! The thought of sitting and resting without television, or movies or books - just sitting and meditating or doing reiki feels pretty uncomfortable. I’ll bet other women feel the same way. I think that this is the real reason why it is difficult for a woman to sit down and think about herself, BE with herself for a day or two - because it is completely out of the ordinary for a woman to do so. She is either working, or going to school to get a job, or looking after a family or all of these things.
I work at a Yoga Centre run mostly by women and I didn’t even feel like I could limit my stress - not because I thought my boss wouldn’t let me, but because I didn’t think I had time. I thought I was so important that the world wouldn’t continue if I slowed down for a few days. Not to mention the fear of slowing down and uncovering all of the emotional goo I have accumulated and stuffed away under my business.
So tonight, I am going to go for a long walk under the full moon, I am going to come back and not turn my computer on, or watch a movie, or TV, or read a book. I am supposed to be an oracle and its about time I let myself take up that much space - whether its comfortable or not.