There are two topics in this world about which I am very passionate: women’s studies and the environment. There are several others that are important, but none other topics on which I have a difficult time articulating myself. Today I realized the difference between the “raging feminist / environmentalist” one who is not raging. One may liken the two to a poor writer and a good writer. They may both have the same passion on the subject, and be equally as intelligent and knowledgeable of the topic, however one has the vocabulary and the space to express themselves, where the other has not yet found how exactly to do so. The raging feminist or environmentalist are passionate and knowledgeable, but cannot express themselves, where the non raging types seem to have no problem.
Rage and passion. I believe the rage develops after the passion begins to develop, and continues to do so until one has a way to articulate their views on the topic so that one, they feel that they have expressed their views and two that their point has been heard. This evening I became a raging environmentalist at a meeting between the community gardeners in Vancouver and the City of Vancouver representatives. Though upon first examining my behaviour one might think that I am an insolent woman who can’t keep her mouth shut, looking deeper one sees that I am somewhere between passion and being able to express my passion, ie: raging. I became stupified by the amount of information my mouth wanted to say, the amount of time in which I had to say it, and the words that would not come so that I may have articulated myself intelligently. I could even see it happening and I could not control it. I could not make what I was thinking come out in a way that didn’t sound angry.
I never realized the extent to which passion and rage were intertwined, and that rage is actually a positive thing (being a clear representation of just how much one cares about their topic). Clearly though, it is not appropriate in most situations to become angry at someone or a group of people in regards to the topic if one wants any results. So just how to move from that state of rage to the ability to transmit information in an effective and inspiring manner? I conferred with a friend, we shall call her TT, after the meeting to reflect on my somewhat erratic behaviour and she helped me see that perhaps I had lost sight of what I actually liked about the environment, and that I needed to look at both, my love and passion, and what angered me. I felt immediately clearer (the blood flowed from my hind brain back into my fore brain) and I realized how silly I had been. How could I have lost touch of what I loved, only to focus on what I hated? No one wants to lose the battle for the thing they love, and its interesting that the thing I loved had been (temporarily) lost to me as I only focused on the negative.
Maybe writing these blog posts will be less challenging now that I know not to begin by trying to experess my rage? There is still the question of articulation and vocabulary, so we will see.