The question came up in class last week in respect to spirituality. Is the consciousness evolution path easier if you are single or married? The answer Don gave was single.
He is right. It is easier to be on a spiritual path when one is single. The example he gave is that when you want to change something in your life, you can change it without taking any one else into consideration. When you are married, you are changing the marriage contract when you change yourself.
I have also heard Don, Yogi Bhajan and other teachers say that the fastest way to consciously evolve is in a conscious relationship. If you are both on the path, you are constantly mirrors for each other, which forces you to evolve twice as fast (if 1+1=2) or (as YB would say) eleven times as fast (if 1+1=11).
So, it is a question of destiny and commitment to the destiny you choose. This is where I think men get a bad wrap. Of course you have heard that all men have a fear of commitment and must be trapped into it?
I believe that both men and women have a difficult time deciding whether to marry, it just happens at different times in the process.
For me, the decision to commit to the second path, happened during the pressure of him proposing. I had given him a timeline of how long I would wait, and the closer it got to that time, the more I wanted out (good thing I was bound by the timeline) By the time we were 13 days before, I was crying on the couch, confused and scared out of my mind that I was too young to get married; I hadn’t fully developed into the woman I intended to be, how the heck was I supposed to get married? I needed a sign.
He proposed at that exact moment.
I thought I was going to throw up, or that I needed a glass of water… I chose the water, and the ring.
Contrary to the popular reaction, I was not feeling the crazy joy of being proposed to! I felt like I had jumped headlong into an entirely different destiny.
Justin was another story.
I knew that he had a back door. He was doing a hybrid of the two life paths – he would get married, but if he felt called to be a monk then he would have to leave and do that (I don’t think it was that cut and dry, but let’s keep it simple) I knew this from before we got engaged, but I figured the thought would go away when he proposed. It didn’t. It didn’t because he and I had two different ideas of what marriage meant.
For me, marriage is forever. I knew that I couldn’t make him stay with me forever, but that if I didn’t make my intentions clear beforehand, I would forever be waiting for his exodus. At least this way, he would know what he was getting into and we would have a chance at making my dream, our dream.
I remember inquiring about whether or not he felt like marriage was forever, and him indicating that forever was a long time. This was decidedly the most difficult conversation I have ever had to pursue. I bit the bullet. “Well, when I get married, it’s forever. There is no back door.” Sure enough, his back door was wide open - “Well, what if I get called to be a monk or go study with a Shamen for months at a time?”. I responded very clearly (with a lot of fear!) that if he wanted to be a monk, and do it alone, then he couldn’t marry me. When he marries me, he is deciding to do it together. It would have to be on way or the other.
He knawed on that for a moment. I could feel him having to choose his destiny while not wanting to pander to his ego and his patterns.
In the end he chose to do it together (THANK GOD!) but it was difficult. I think it is still hard for him on some level to perceive of a marriage lasting past this lifetime, but he’s willing to give it a shot, or many shots, and that’s all I can expect.
To marry or not to marry – marriage is definitely not the easiest way, but it is the fastest and a lot less lonely.